This Is Me: Finally, FREE (Outside of Who I’ve Been Told To Be)

A truth-teller and a transformer sharing my small contributions to building toward Black liberation and collective freedom for all.

These days, we neglect to get to know ourselves outside of who we’ve been told to be… expected to be… socialized to be. We aren’t given the tools to explore ourselves, or each other. And we definitely don’t have the attention span required to be human with the constant influx of mis/information and distraction delivered through technology. Add our addiction to escape and numb ourselves from the truth, and we end up swimming at the surface, rarely diving deeper, rarely learning one another beyond filtered images and highlight reels across multiple screens. We move around each other, unhealed, miseducated, assuming and assigning judgement based on our own narrow experiences and inherited unquestioned measurements that don't makes sense for most of us.

It’s been a longtime struggle of mine, because narratives and assumptions about me are rarely accurate… and never adequate.

Technically, I am biracial, with a Black mother and a white father. Culturally, socially, and politically, I move through the world and identify as a Black woman every day. Most importantly, I am proud. Furthermore, I’m an example of data outcomes for Black women across systems that my white side (who were never a part of my life) could not shield me from. The world taught me that I could be biracial, I could be Black, but I could never be white. That is important to my story and the history of this country.

In my observations and learning: Whiteness is a construct created for a purpose. Blackness is a culture that emerged in spite of that purpose. Existing in parallel. One group never have to understand "the other" they live beside... because supremacy. While "the other" group knows their counterparts more than they know themselves... because survival.

Experiencing the identity power dynamics between a white man and a Black woman from an early age gave me a perspective and a priceless education long before I ever knew I was getting schooled. My first racial incident involved my hair in the second grade and followed me until my mid-thirties. By fourteen, I was writing essays and poetry about race, racism, and what I was seeing and living. After losing my grandfather slowly to diabetes and frustrated that we talked about disparities as a destination in Black communities, when really, it’s by design, I committed to educating others. By seventeen, I was fixated on Black health conditions and vowed to reduce chronic disease by one fitness class and nutrition class at a time. I learned quickly that there was SO MUCH more to the equation.

I was constantly unnerved by my exercise science program in undergrad. It lacked cultural relevance. It repeated false narratives and stereotypes about Black women. It ignored stress as a culprit, especially the stress that comes from intersectionality of race and gender in a society built on the disrespect and devalue of both Black people and women.

That agitation didn’t become a barrier because I built a bridge bolstered by learning outside my curriculum and academic grounding that set me on an adventure of historical knowledge, healing, and liberation. A path of self-awareness and love. One I’m still on almost thirty years later. I ain’t new to this. I’m true to this.

I was raised by generations of Black superwomen- my great aunt (or big mama) and grandmother, my mother, my two older sisters, and the countless Black women authors and freedom fighters who made a way for me through their struggles and stories passed down. Their wisdom lives in me. And still, I’m committed to my wholeness, balanced across both feminine and masculine energy, embracing all of who I am with an authenticity that disrupts the status quo. Choosing mental liberation is revolutionary… and it’s a risk I’m willing to take every day, come what may.

I use she/they pronouns because I’m rooted in deep ancestral feminine knowing, while also rejecting the confines of the constructed gender binary. I’m firm in my existence as a both/and, with a clear understanding that humanity lives on a spectrum, and I am so much more than who I’ve been conditioned into oppressive systems to be. I am so much more than just one-dimensional.

I am unapologetically pro-Black on purpose, because pervasive anti-Blackness is a global phenomenon that must be confronted directly, not diluted, diminished, nor dismissed.

Black liberation is my North Star. Until Black people across the globe are free, no one is. And because of the historical and continued dehumanization of the Black diaspora, my daily motto is, humanity first, humility always.

My personal is my professional is my political. I believe what we proclaim and practice can also be a form of protest. Each small, radical action matters to the collective of others daring to do the same. No matter how hard or isolating it can feel, I know I’m never alone. In gratitude for those who came before me, and in responsibility to those coming after, my very existence is resistance.

And here’s something people don’t always expect or can misinterpret…

Despite loving to dress in bright colors, switching up hairstyles, and expressing myself through fashion, I actually don’t like a lot of attention. I’ve struggled mentally, emotionally and physically with body image and weight concerns my entire life, especially working in health promotion and fitness for two decades as a “plus size” dance/fitness instructor and nutrition/health educator. I’m also very candid about my story so it’s not a secret. Whether teaching dance/fitness classes or facilitating workshops… playing in bands and singing in choirs, as a TV host… or even now as a keynote and public speaker…I hate being in front of people, taking the stage, or having cameras in my face.

And yet, I’ve been there most of my life, doing what I enjoy, being led by my purpose, called to move in my “ministry,” always uncomfortable under a gaze. But also, with a deep understanding that my discomfort is nothing in comparison to those who cleared this path for me. I honor them through living in my truth and my authentic life.

Regardless of what’s popular, trending, or rewarded, I ground myself in my values, principles, and integrity that have never led me astray. I remain rooted, resisting, and revolutionary, with relationships at the center, starting with the relationship I continue to cultivate with myself.

I believe transformation begins when we come home to who we truly are at our core before the world got to us. When we de-socialize from the ways we’ve been taught outside of our human nature and into unnatural hierarchical norms.

I give myself permission for rest, joy, pleasure, and boundaries, in all ways big and small, not as a trendy “self-care” fad, but as integral components of self-love and freedom. The journey of decolonizing my mind has revealed to me that a free mind knows no bounds.

Loving myself often looks like long walks in sunlight, getting fresh air, being near water, and recognition that I am of nature, not above it. Adequate rest and hydration are important. Nourishing my body with what fuels me to get free matters. Caring for myself mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually is not extra. It is the foundation. And it’s no longer wrapped up in unrealistic societal standards, anti-human perfectionism, nor body shame and fatphobia that caused me stress for so much of my life. I’ve released that.

I’m also a devoted reader and writer. I’ve been obsessed with books and research since I was very young, because my mother infused in me the importance of lifelong learning in a country that once had laws forbidding the education of Black people. Octavia Butler reminds us, “without positive obsession there’s nothing at all.” I have abundance.

Meditation has been both a privilege and a lifeline, one that helps me navigate anxiety, depression, and this wonderful neurodivergent brain responsible for my superpowers. I’m transparent because I’m never ashamed of my humanity. I’m truthful because it sets me free… and keeps me free.

I find comfort in my creativity and cultural events where I learn new things. I feel the most freedom in all-Black spaces, which are crucial to my healing and wellbeing. I'm sure this traces back to the abandonment of my white side and full embrace of my Black family. I've made critical connections across constructs to culture and how they impact community.

Another important part of my story: I’ve been single for the last sixteen years. *gasp*

Yes, I’ve had moments of lament about romantic love and the social expectations of marriage and children. And no, there’s nothing “wrong” with me. Mostly, I’ve found peace in what has not been. While I haven’t been appointed to raise children, I’ve been anointed to raise consciousness. I’ve been given the ability and the calling. I’ve been chosen, and it's a gift I am grateful for with no regrets.

One of the blessings of not obtaining any of the things expected on this made-up achievement timeline we cling to has been abundant time to read, research, write, and reflect. My life’s work is heart work. And it has sustained me, bringing me deep joy and fulfillment, and the opportunity to pour into people and purpose.

As I’ve shed people, places, products, and platforms, I’ve come to understand they were not losses, they were lessons. Persistent preparation. Space was being made for what I need now… and what I’ll need for what’s to come.

I am never a "new me." I am always a naturally evolving me. As I grow, I shift from older iterations of myself that no longer serve me or others. I love every version that has carried me and gotten me here, unconditionally. It is a privilege to transform, even when it causes pain. Even when I’m misunderstood, especially by those closest to me. I have grace for that.

I live, learn, and lead with love and liberation, practicing what I believe with each breath that I breathe. Even when it cost me comfort or when I make mistakes as an imperfect human. I’m here to tell the truth, build what’s possible, help people come back to themselves and make space for each other. We already carry what's required. All we need is a seed.

This is me. Not entirely, but authentically. Unapologetically. Finally, FREE.

If you’re still here, maybe you’re searching for something deeper. Me too. This is where I’ll keep telling the truth, peeling back layer by layer, and building upon my continued liberation…with love. May it inspire you to do the same.

Your wholeness and humanity is welcome here.